I occasionally find myself in a state of shock when I have RE-realizations that our lives will never be the same. I almost feel like the last 31 years of my life were a blur when I think of how I ended up in this position. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be “That mom” with the sick kid. I couldn’t tell you how many times and how hard I’ve prayed for God to never let me go through such a situation with any of my children when I would randomly come across families in similar situations or whenever I was pregnant. I would try haggle with him during prayers telling Him that I’m not strong enough, and that He should know this. Sometimes I feel like I’m being punished for asking, or almost like I jinxed myself. But I know better than that. God makes no mistakes. All things are intentional and there IS a purpose. I know this. I just tend to lose myself while I’m fighting myself to understand that this is all very real, and I will never wake up from this nightmare.
After I was told that our son may have a life threatening disease, I held my baby and cried alone in that cramped hospital room. Mind you, they had introduced 6 different teams of specialists alongside the primary team to try and figure out what was going on with him. We had already received multiple possible diagnosis of totally separate medical conditions. This one was the worst. They wouldn’t allow any other visitors except his dad, who was only ever able to see us in the evening for 2 hours or less due to work. Being alone through most of this during our 11 day stay was incredibly draining on my mental, physical, and emotional health. I immediately joined a support group and tried to search for answers online. I posted about the physician’s findings and the possibility of it being Polycystic Kidney Disease. I remember one mom telling me “You go through stages of grief” – and I couldn’t explain this feeling any better. I feel like my child was given a death sentence. Parents or anyone who have been diagnosed with this disease know exactly what I mean. I am still experiencing the stages of grief and not sure when or if I will ever shake it off.
Our first hospital visit had brought so many people together in support of Enoch. I was overwhelemed with the outpouring of love we received as doctor’s struggled to find out what was happening to our baby whose health was rapidly deteriorating. People I have lost contact with and haven’t spoken with for over 10 years had reached out to me with so much love and prayers. People who we’ve never met, never spoken to – complete strangers who were touched by Enoch. People from across the country! Family members we haven’t seen in years – most of who haven’t even met Enoch yet or knew he was even alive! In those moments – I knew God was doing something. I believe that Enoch brought people to pray who have not prayed in a long time, or ever. We called upon all prayer warriors to intercede for our son. God’s hand was upon us and no one can convince me otherwise.
We received so many generous donations when we found out that some of his medication would not be covered by insurance. Even after our 2nd recent visit and finding out that liquids were spilling into Enoch’s lungs and being diagnosed with Dysphasia, new people sent us donations and other people that had donated the first time actually sent in a second donation. This allowed a large burden off us as we struggle to come to terms with this new journey we are about embark. For this, I will forever be grateful and humbled that there is still kindness in this world. It was definitely a “Faith restored in humanity” moment for us. Thank you all again, for making this a little less painful for us. The financial part of this would have been the tip of the iceberg if it weren’t for you all. It’s been hard enough to accept the hand we were dealt, but it’s another to struggle to find a way to make sure we can afford to prevent his kidneys from being damaged further and being able to afford a way to stop liquids from spilling into his lungs. There are so many people still following our story and journey to #healingEnoch. I thank you all for loving him and genuinely caring/curious about where we are with his health. I apologize to those who I have not been able to text, message, or call back. I am still struggling to get by most days. Most of the time I can’t bring myself to talk to anyone, really.
So.. here’s a step towards healing. Healing for Enoch, and healing for my mental health and sanity. I decided to create this blog for those who have been following Enoch’s story – mostly because IG limits the characters allowed in a post – and as an outlet for myself as well. Enoch is followed by multiple specialists and everyone is still scrambling to find answers as to the what’s and why’s. All we know is that my baby is strong. He is a fighter and he is resilient. I will post updates when time allows and share every step of this with you all. Thank you guys ~ for loving him.
Welcome to our story. Here’s to #healingEnoch.
#PrayforEnoch
"Be still and know that I am God" 